When the Bell Tolls
by Acedia's Apathetic Simplicity
Summary: There's only so much before it gets to be too much. Some people smile and wallow in their own self pity when alone. Others just suck it up and keep on going. How long will it take before the bell comes tolling for a hearse and a grave.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling. The idea behind of _this_ tale however belongs to moi.**

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><p><strong>When the Bell Tolls <strong>

Prologue: Six Feet Underwater

Two weeks of non-stop raining had finally ceased, no storm clouds—in fact there wasn't even any evidence left of this storm except for the huge mud puddles that were left. The sun was just barely rising over the horizon, the orange, pink and purple were already turning to that nice blue you'd see when you looked up in the sky. The morning birds were chirping their song, crows cawed their daily creepy morning ritual even if it was a nice day. The students and professors all lay on their perspective beds, glad it was Saturday and not Monday.

No one was awake except for one student who was resting against the walls of the castle a school broom next to him. He made sure that no one knew he was out here early in the morning. Last night during dinner he had left early telling his friends he had unfinished homework to finish (which he did, he was falling behind lately) and wouldn't be back telling them to join him later when they were all finished with their dinner. As soon as he had gotten inside the dormitory he had called an elf and told it that he needed two extra pillows and made it promise not to tell anyone until the day after tomorrow. He charmed the pillow to move slowly up and down and put a cover over it making look as though he were sleeping under it, placed a note there saying that he had finished it and decided to go to sleep early. He spent the night in the Room of Requirement until it was 5:30 and left with a broom in hand that he had stolen from earlier before.

He got on the broom and hovered a little before taking off up, up, up, up…until he was sure that he was sure that he was 500m in the sky. This is what he wanted. To see the beautiful horizon in the early morning sunrise, and the fluttering trees beneath him. The bird calls now seemed so distant. The suns' glare caught his eyes, he let go.

He didn't attempt to reach for the broom. He watched as the broom remained suspended in the sky above him for a few seconds, but those few second were enough for the broom to become a mere speck in the sky. The broom wobbled before joining his fall, the boys eyes spotted, no air reached his longs…he was falling too quickly for any to reach him.

A splash echoed.

A flock of crows and birds flew away cawing and chirping away.

The shimmering of the sun's light reflects off the waters surface. Slowly, almost as though time has slowed down just for him. He floats back up to surface. His body feels like a thousand needles have pierced his skin, his skin is probably red from the chill of the water and the impact. His eyes widen, the broom is falling handle first. A pain so intense in his lower abdomen, for a moment he thinks he's back at home instead of here his safe haven.

There's a stillness in the air.

An hour, two pass, before a friend of the student notices his apparent disappearance.

Fifteen more pass before a Slytherin first year goes wandering off to the Great Lake and screams. Her scream echoes alarming two professor taking a morning walk before breakfast begins.

The girl is pale, she can only stare frozen at the washed up corpse.

"Merlin..." the girls voice hitches as she turns to look at the two professors who where already within eyes sight of the prone form, "Harry Potter."

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><p><strong>AN:** The idea popped into my head sometime ago and I decided what the hell might as well post it up before it drives me crazy for not doing anything and letting it waste away in my mind. Anyways review and tell me what you think, critics are welcome. ^-^


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling

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><p>Chapter 1: Just a Little Insight<p>

Who would have thought that after the war had finally ended that Harry J. Potter, savior, the chosen one, the boy who lived…call him what you please would die in such a way that he did. It was unexpected. It was so anti-climatic. One would think that he'd die with a bang or for some martyr-like reason. He was dead, and no one knew the reason why except for the professors and a select few who were allowed to see and hear the finally days of Harry J. Potter. It was during spring too—why did he choose such happy season to die in. He was a seventh year; he was so close to graduating.

Classes were cancelled of course, and for the first time in Hogwarts history, they decided to hold a spring break like their American counterparts. Many wanted to attend the funeral but only those closest to the boy were allowed to stay. It was the morning before the funeral would take place, the Great Hall, was quiet empty. Four long rows of empty dining tables, the head table just as empty, the candle of the enchanted ceiling were extinguished. The ceiling reflecting how much of a beautiful and nice day it was, a complete opposite of what everyone must be feeling.

Slowly the Headmaster, professors and students started to shuffle in. No one spoke a word. It seemed like a heavy blanket was set of over the usually talkative spirits.

Severus Snape, Potions Master and current Headmaster, was feeling much like a failure. In the end he was unable to fulfill his promise. His unofficial godson, was dead and to be buried in a few hours. He was suppose to protect him, and protect him did and protect him he did. He had stopped or at least tried to stop from doing anything stupid but it is kind of hard doing that since he was leading a double life. He was protecting him; everyone thought he was safe here in Hogwarts. Who knew he'd need protecting from himself, a little too late for it now isn't. No one knew, except him of course. During the final ten hours late at night it was he, Severus Snape, that bore witnessed the reason behind it all. If he had had just a little insight in the child's life he would have done anything in his power to help him. No child deserved the fate that was bestowed upon him. He wouldn't wish it on anyone…not even James Potter; he could still recall the feeling of holding a cool hand becoming colder by the minute. Those green eyes becoming dimmer and dimmer that small wistful smile when he told him those seven words.

That was the first time in so many years that he had felt the need to cry. It was so deep, his throat constricting, eyes just barely starting to sting. He will always remember that conversation and will carry it to his grave. He did after all deserve his privacy.

Severus Snape isn't one to regret his word, this…just this once he wishes he could take it back.

_"Don't be foolish Potter you have done enough for now."_

_"Heh, Same ol' Pufessa…hurts. I'm goin' ta die aren't I?"_

_"Don't ask such obvious questions."_

_"…glad it was you. I talked ta las'. I'm tired gonna go ta sleep now."_

_"Always one for the dramatics Potter?"_

_"…heh."_

After that the boy never woke up again. He just sat there by the boys' bedside thinking of anything but the limp, stiff hand that was held in his own.

**Review**.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not have any ownership of the Harry Potter series, J.K Rowling is the owner and creator of this wonderful series.

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><p>Chapter 2: Feeling Alive in a Funeral<p>

After the war he decided that he was done…one of his friends had died in blazing inferno while he got away…a lot of innocent people died. He got away. He supported those who killed the innocent…he got away. His parents knew of his guilt, they knew he never wanted to be part of it and only did the things he died because it was proper protocol being a pureblood Slytherin and all. He heard that some muggles believed that if one were to die by being burnt alive all your sins will be atoned, that's was probably why they had burned suspected witches and wizards alive. To purge them of their "sinful ways", he hopes for once that the stupid muggles are right. Hopefully all the wrong Vin—_Crabbe_, he always knew him as such, had been atoned in that fire. What has he got left? The Malfoy name had fallen out of favor; everyone believes all Slytherins are evil. Sure the money was still their but what's that going to do for him…sustain him? Money didn't bring happiness anymore it just secured him of at least being able keep on going.

A sleek black coffin hovered above the freshly dug rectangular shaped hole.

"Today we are gathered here to commemorate the burial of Harry James Potter tho…"

Somewhere in the gathering of mourners, there were two people glaring at him through their tears and grieved faces. They had their right to do so he, Draco Malfoy, dared to be here today in the funeral of his hated enemy, a feeling that was all too eager to return.

He stood next to his godfather staring at the coffin. They both stood in the front only a few feet away from the glaring duo. His blond hair for once wasn't slick back, gray-blue eyes just continued to stare. No expression, in truth he was in state of awe and hidden grief that even he would never admit to himself. He almost expected everyone to start laughing, calling him a fool for actually believing and attending a false funeral. No one started to laugh.

_"Trying to get all the attention, huh Potter."_

There had been no shame, no guilt…just a serine calm serenity on his face. He had been happy that he was dying. It made him want to grab the pillow supporting his head and suffocate him with it. So many died for or because of him and here he was happy to be dying.

_"…never one to be satisfied with what you got Potter?"_

_Might as well spit on the graves of your parents and friends_, he thought spitefully.

He almost expected a nasty retort from him.

He was angry at Potter and himself. He was angry because Potter had always bested him in everything even in death. Just before he was informed that Potter wanted an audience with him, the knife was just a hair length away from bleeding him out in the cold floor of his chambers. His eyes stung but he held them in.

He had been so close to death and here he was, alive, attending a funeral of his enemy? Rival? Friend? Whatever Potter was to him, he was alive and Potter wasn't. He felt a huge weight lifted from his shoulders taking a deep breathe and let it out in one short exhale. It was over, perhaps there is more to live for.

Whatever was going on Potter's mind, he wasn't going to follow in. He felt a strong need to smile, laugh…_sorry Potter this one time I have won and you have lost._

Draco stood there until everyone was gone but himself. At least Potter's lackeys have some decorum to not cause a scene in a funeral. After one finally look at Potter's grave sight he disapparated.

His heart felt like it was bouncing a different beat, he felt lighter on his feet.

"Draco? What's wrong?" He heard his mother ask worriedly, he saw his father giving him a concerned look. It was then that he noticed the tears, he fell to his knees.

He heard the rushing of his parents' feet.

For the first time in what feels like forever Draco Malfoy laughed. He laughed until those tears turned to sobs. He was so close to death. He wasn't weak for not following through. No he was that stronger. All that was left now was bringing back honor in the Malfoy name and making something of himself. He won't fall like Potter did.

_I guess this is thank you and goodbye Potter. I promise to visit you and keep you updated…I owe you that much for saving my life._


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: I don't have any ownership of Harry Potter

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><p>Chapter 3: Had I Known How to Save a Life<p>

Half a bottle of fire whiskey gone, the red liquid reflected a long thin face the poison hadn't even given him a buzz. He knew by know a muggle would have been staggering on his feet not knowing which way was up or down, it's because he was wizard that he is able to hold his liquor and also because he has drunken so much in his younger days that he capable of holding any type of poison. The only thing it did now was make his mind looser and relax his muscles.

Just four more days before the term resumes, he still hasn't been able to find a suitable replacement as the Potion's professor or Headmaster—whichever came first—that meant that he will have to fill in that position for the time being. He has asked Minerva but she had denied the offer and asking now wouldn't be appropriate. Severus wanted nothing more than to fall into sweet oblivion but it seemed his mind had other ideas planned. He found himself falling background to the day that Potter had the audacity…

"Potter!"

The be-speckled boy snapped his head from where it was laying on wondering what the hell he had done wrong this time. Until he remembered that he was in potions _sleeping_. He could swallow his spit as he stared at the angry black pits that were Snape's eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but hesitated when Ron tugged on his robes, the session was already over. Severus doesn't why he decided at that moment to let the boy leave, he just did. He watched as that messy head of raven hair disappear down the hall and up the stairs.

Something was wrong with that boy. Lately he has seemed more and more exhausted his eyes more sunken and bruised from lack of sleep or too much sleep. He has fallen more into his studies then usual, in fact his work in potions has exceedingly improved. He's almost as good as Granger now. It would be a good thing if it wasn't for his failing grades in the other classes, even in Defense Against the Dark Arts and from what he's heard Potter has been talking less and less with his friends. He brushed it off though, the boy must be up to something and he was going to find out what.

Until then, his sessions were done for the day and he had a project he was working and it was almost done too. If succeeded it would work wonders for all mediwitches and wizards out there. He hasn't been able to come up with a name though he wasn't about to name it after himself either. He wasn't arrogant or self-centered enough to do that. It would work like this: if a person had the slight heart beat even non-existent it would bring the person back giving a mediwitch enough time to properly heal and treat them. It would take a full night to fully done.

Somewhere around six thirty in the morning Severus was up and serving himself another cup of tea—not coffee, coffee wasn't strong enough for him. The potion was done and placed safely inside a couple of flasks. A series of aloud bangs on his door had him glaring at the floor where his shattered cup and spilled contents lay. With a wave of his wand it was cleared up, he walked to his door putting too much force on his steps as he violently yanked the door open. Head Girl Pansy Parkinson stood a little flustered with a crying mess of a first year Slytherin.

"Sorry Professor," she began, "She said that she had to talk to you, I would have handled if she hadn't insisted on coming to get you…at least that's what I managed to decipher."

He opened the door wider and let them in, "We have to hurry!" the first year managed to scream as soon the door closed, had a Gryffindor played a nasty trick on one of his snakes again?

The first year's blonde hair was in a disarray and her face was in a pink wet mess, it was Madison Attikus. "I know I wasn't s-sup-suppose to b-b-be outside so early in the morning." She sobbed, "B-b-but I ju-ju-just needed t-t-to be there an' an'…" She started to cry even more loudly. "I saw him! The broom it was…there was so much…he looked d-d-dead!"

He could feel in face paling slightly, had one of his snakes suffered from the wrath of a too angry Gryffindor?

"Severus!"

He turned to see his fire place burst into green flames; he could see Minerva's head sticking from it. "We need you in Healing Wing now!" and with those words the flames turned back orange.

"Ms. Parkinson take Ms. Attikus back to the dormitory."

After what seemed like forever for Minerva Severus came out of the green flames robs billowing in his long strides. He didn't know what was going on, whatever it was he hoped that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. He could Poppy frantically waving her wand over a student, Minerva using whatever spells she knew to assist her. They both had grim faces.

"Accio Blood Replenishing potion!" he heard Poppy command then continuing on with her spells.

"He's not taking it…he's not taking it…he's not…"

Severus heard Poppy silently murmur to herself. By now, Severus had already come to the conclusion that a student was gravely injured at the moment and wasn't going to make it.

"Merlin…" Minerva whispered backing away shaking her head softly almost like she could not believe what was going on before her very eyes. To more steps and she bumped into him. She spun around looking at him, face too pale and grim, and tears threatening to fall. "Se…"

His dark eyes widened when he saw exactly who it was.

There Potter lay, lips blue, skin too pale almost as blue as his lips, glasses gone. Blood had long since stopped flowing from his lower abdomen. His dark lashes resting against his cheeks. He fingered the flask in his robes; it wouldn't work if he was already dead. There was a chance that he was still alive, barely but still living. He pressed to fingers on the boys' carotid pulse point and waited. There! Just faintly, almost fading.

A pulse.

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><p><strong>Review! Don't be mean I know your out there! (I'd make an angry face but won't let me T.T)<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, a one Ms. Rowling does.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: Here's a Riddle for You<strong>

"Harry!"

Severus' hand tightened around the flask at the sound of Potter's irritably nosey companions. How did they even know that Potter was here and injured in the first place? Damn those gossiping paintings! It was Granger and the last two of the Weaselys, they looked winded. They had probably run all the way here.

His dark eyes drifted back to the prone form, his fingers were still pressed against his neck. There wasn't much time left, every second counted, "Go back to your house!" He ordered turning his back to them he popped the cork.

Ron puffed up his chest and stepped forward when both Ginny and Hermione grabbed both his shoulders. They looked warily at the back of their professor/Headmaster, Hermione bit her lip as she saw the normally composed looking Gryffindor Head, McGonagall, looking panicked and near tears. She was the first to start pulling Ron; Ginny looked at her wide-eyed before nodding and pulling Ron as well while whispering a quick "Let's go".

For three days Potter moved from in and out of consciousness his color had returned to its normal paleness, lips back to their healthy pinkish hue. Severus had only been able to check on the boys' progress during the early morn and late evenings. However on the fourth day it was different, Potter was sitting up, barely waking it would seem. Potter fumbled with shaking hands to put on his glasses, it must have been extremely painful sitting up that way. Glazy green eyes landed on him and said humorlessly, "Good morning Professor."

Those green eyes, Lily's eyes, stared at him mockingly somehow; he couldn't help but be sarcastic to him, "Once again your attention seeking needs never cease to amaze me."

"Hmm…how early is it?"

"Early enough for students to still be in bed."

He stood stiffly staring at his student who wouldn't even look at him in the eye. The awkward tension had Potter fiddling with the sheets covering the lower half of his body. An enchanted candle on a nightstand flickered from an invisible wind, it orangey glow reflected off of Potter's glasses.

"Why?" Severus mentally berated himself for being unable to control his mouth whilst looking completely composed on the outside.

"Why what?" Potter looked his shoulder giving the pretense that he was looking at his face.

"Why did you attempt to…commit suicide," Severus paused for millisecond that Potter did not thankfully catch. He caught the slight shift in Potter's eye, already composing a lie when he snapped at him, "DON'T lie. I know you're competent enough to know that I can easily get the answer without your consent. Was this era of peace not meeting up to your expectations?"

"'S not that," he started, "I dunno, I just felt it was right…you know it. When you're ready to die," he elaborated when he saw the look on Severus' face. "I felt at peace, I was ready for it…still am. I always knew I was going to do, I just didn't know how. Everyone dies at one point. I just didn't want to die as martyr, a messiah or as an anything. I want to die when I want to and not because I had to or because someone feared or anything. I'll die because I chose to and am dying because I want to."

"So you decided to die for the sake of not dying for a cause…how self-righteous of you," he sneered. "You do realize that many die for you so you can live right?"

"Yes…" Potter said looking thoughtful. "My mum and dad are dead, but I don't think they died for me because of some prophecy anymore. I think there was a bigger reason behind it; maybe, just maybe they died because they wanted me to live. They wanted to make something of myself other than some completed quest. My mum protected me for something other than just keeping some madman from getting to me. What that reason is, I don't know or maybe I do and just don't know yet. Maybe I'm not meant to know."

Severus sighed suddenly feeling very exhausted; he suddenly felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. For moment he thought he should sit down but opted not to.

"Say Professor, do you know the reason of life?"

_"Everything happens for a reason, Sev. You just have to find your own reason," Lily giggled as they sat together on the only swing sets of the park on night. They were both around twelve going on thirteen._

_"What do you suppose is yours?" He asked curiously peeking out at her from the curtain of his long dark and dingy hair._

_"Hmm, I dunno. Maybe my reason was meeting you," Severus felt cheeks burn, "or maybe my reason hasn't come yet…hey wanna pay a game!" She hopped off the swing._

_"What?"_

_"You make it sound like sucha chore," she whined._

_He secretly smiled when she turned around so he wouldn't see her pouting, after all 'big girls don't pout anymore when they don't get what they want' as she so cleverly said once._

"You have to find your won reason," he murmured.

"Already did, the reason is: nothing but what I am. You wouldn't understand though since you aren't me."

He sniffed, Severus shifted from one foot to another feeling uncomfortable that the 'Great Harry Potter' was crying. His tears fogged his glasses, "I have been alive for seventeen years, I've seen a lot, done a lot, and have experienced things most men don't see for a long time if not ever. But I haven't known a lot. Funny huh?"

He gave a soft dry laugh that turned to hysterical laughter mixed with sobs; Severus looked towards Poppy's room that was conveniently placed near her office. Potter quickly ceased his inappropriate laughter and looked to the wall behind Severus.

Severus looked at the boy that sat up right on the bed looking so meek and small. What was he up to?

"The Weasleys and Granger have been pestering Madam Pomphrey, do tell them that you are fine when they come visiting." He took a swift turn on his heels heading towards his office where he was sure a cup of warm tea was waiting for him.

"When you know who you are then you'll know your reason Professor," he heard the boy call out to him as the door closed behind him.

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**A/N:Review or feel the wrath of a thousand rabied bunnies attacking in your dreams! Yes fear the twitching whiskered noses. FEAR IT!** Now that that's done, I wanna make something clear, Harry Potter's dead and he isn't coming back by some magical farting fairy that brings people back to life.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5: I Looked Away, You Were On Fire**

Molly Weasley had always been proud of her children; she couldn't bear it if any of her children were to be taken away from her. Now she all she can do is bit her lip and hold her tears in when she holds a Christmas dinner. She can't help but ask why in the night when she's sure everyone else is at bed, she can see her youngest children either withering away or becoming a drunkard. How could she have not seen it when it was staring at her in the face, they had warned her of the signs, but she had been so sure that it was just a phase and that it would pass. "I know my children they would never…Don't tell how to raise…I have had seven children, nothing has gotten passed me…" She should have listened but she had been stubborn.

A year has passed already and the anniversary is quickly approaching once more. Hermione is coming over today, she doesn't visit very much but she still sends her letters every week updating her on everything that has been going on. Oh she had known that Hermione had been in love with her Ron, she was such a smart and talented girl. She would have gladly accepted her into the family. But when Harry passed, she had delved deeper into her studies, it been the only way she could cope but by doing so she ignored everyone. Ron had sent letters to her saying that he was trying but that nothing would help. Until one day they had gotten into a huge argument that ended with words that should have never been said even out of anger or spite. By the end of the year their friendship had been over, Ginny is still friends with her however, saying that it was stupid to be forced to choose.

Mrs. Weasley paused, she stared vacantly at halfway done pumpkin pie, Ginny's favorite. Ginny, although she handled the death better than anyone else she had fallen so low of them all. George can't even look at her in the eye anymore, his little sister. She seemed okay but a mother always knows. A mother always knows when a daughter loses that innocence; it took one look from when she returned of that last year in Hogwarts for her to know that she wasn't her little girl anymore. She was a woman now. She's like a butterfly now, spreading her little wings and fluttering her wings from rose to rose. She can only hope that she find one rose that's it for her. Harry had been her rose and he's gone, forever in that blooming state of that spring of last year.

Everyone else has moved on in their own way. She had been there, two days before he passed. She still remembered his words.

_He was always getting injured, always causing her to worry. Mrs. Weasley felt a pull at her heart, a feeling so deep. It was that very same she got when she found out Fred wasn't going to be pulling anymore pranks, a fact that he was gone forever. She pulled that feeling from the roots, she shouldn't be thinking like that. Harry was fine and was getting better._

_"Mrs. Weasley please don't look at me like that. I'll be fine." Harry chuckled slightly before wincing at the pain from his protesting abdomen._

_"Deary look at you, you're pale and in pain. Do need a pain reducer," she fussed as she got up from her chair to get Madam Pomphrey._

_"No, just sit down. I have something to tell you," he smiled. She sat back down, again came that feeling of doubt. "You when I first met you, I mean really met. You know that one year when Fred, George and Ron flew that car to come and get me. I thought you were a really scary woman. You reminded me a little of my Aunt Petunia. But then I realized you were nothing like her. I never had a mother figure before, so I didn't know that was the angry worried look only a mother could have. I didn't know anything of what a mother should be beside be angry and violent because that was how my Aunt was. I sometimes wished that Ron and I could switch places so I can experience that look. I know Ron is jealous of me, but he has no idea how much I want to switch places with him…I guess…I dunno why I'm even telling you this. This isn't even what I was going to tell you either."_

_"You know I always thought of you like my own son Harry," she looked earnestly at him._

_"I know that," he looked away from her and stared at an empty bed next him, "I want you tell 'Mione and Ron…" he made a 'come closer' gesture, Mrs. Weasley's eyes widen at what passed between them in under fifteen minutes. "…when the time is right"_

_"You can tell them—"_

_"We both know what's going to happen to me Mrs. Weasley, please don't lie to yourself."_

_"What do you expect me to do?" Her voice cracked standing up so quickly that the chair she was sitting toppled over with dull 'clack'. No wants to willing let go while that child is still alive. It's as just as hard as when a doctor tells a worried parent that its time to pull the plug. How can you start to let go when they are breathing and well right front. He looks so healthy. It's too soon; he has his life ahead if him._ Fred had his whole life ahead of him_, a quiet voice whispered in her ear. "I'm a mother, all I have is hope. Hope in my children that everything is going to be okay that they are all going to be successful in their own special way. That they are all going to bring about a change. I have to hope, that's all got. I'm old and I'm not getting any younger. Soon it's just going to be me in an empty house filled with empty bedrooms."_

_"I don't cry. Everything's is going to get better you'll see."_

After that everything went from bad to worse to 'I can't take it anymore!' and then ten months later, Andromeda passed away in the night leaving poor Teddy without a guardian, that's when they all got called in to Gringotts Wizarding Bank. It was at that very day that she realized so much had changed and she hadn't even noticed. Ron had filled out from his gangly form; he had been put into a high ranking position in the Aurors department, but if she looked closer she could see the signs. Blood shot eyes, the slight sunken eyes from endless nights being awake doing his job or being a closet alcoholic. Ginny, dressed in something less than a little subtle on her womanly figure, wearing light make up. George looking slightly weary but all in all in good health, she would later find out that he was engaged with Angelina Johnson (she hadn't opened her daily letter that morning). Bill and Charlie hadn't changed much but they had mellowed down some from what she has heard in their letters. Percy, although a little impatient looked glad to see her, as he had been as the new Minister of Magic, he had finally managed his dream. Hermione was looking uncomfortable her eyes looking everywhere but at Ron, when her eyes landed on her though they widen and then looked at the floor like a naughty child being caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

She had stopped sending letters after what happened with Ron, she saw Ginny give Hermione a slight nudge. She moved to her direction ignoring Ron so she never saw the longing look he sent her under the angry bloodshot gaze, "Mrs. Weasley, its nice to see you again," she began tersely. She twitched faintly before giving to whatever she was mentally holding back and hugged her. "I missed you." She whispered to her.

"I did too."

"A lot has happened these pass months," she started seeming to be lost in the past when she looked at her again. "I…we need to talk some time, well I mean after this," she waved to the room they were in, "is over. Let's go somewhere so we can talk I have nothing to do for a couple of hours."

Meaning: 'I don't want Ron listening in'.

Both Ginny and Hermione jumped at the sound of the door opening, in came in a small goblin. He ignored everyone else until he sat down he looked at everyone his dark eyes moving to every soul in that room. He said nothing but putting on some glasses. "Sit down; we are still missing one more human."

Hermione who previously going to sit down next Ginny sat down next instead so Ginny was left with an empty chair next to her and the other chair occupied by Ron. Percy chose to stand were as Bill and Charlie sat down behind Ginny. The door opened once more.

"Nice of you to join us Lord Malfoy," the goblin said with a sarcastic menace, "please sit down gesturing to the only seat left.

Draco didn't say anything but sat down next to Ginny who shifted a little closer to Ron.

"Now that all are present we may commence. We are all gathered here to hear the will of one Lord Harry James Potter. Lord Potter had given us specific orders as to when to read the will. Should Andromeda Tonks, now deceased, ever be incapable of raising Ted Remus Lupin the will would be activated and if not be activated when Mr. Lupin is of age. The guardianship of Mr. Lupin will be here by given Molly née Prewett Weasley to raise as well as given a 200 galleon for Mr. Lupin spending needed for him to be raised. Mr. Lupin will also be given the title as Lord Black and Potter when of age all assets will be frozen until then. To Molly née Prewett Weasley 20,000 galleons," few people looked guilty at theses words, Draco snorted. "To Ronald Bilius Weasley 6,000 galleons, a wooden box and this letter; in hopes that it would enlighten his questions that need answers. To Hermione Jean Granger 6,000 galleons funding for 'whatever it is she is researching now' and a penny for thoughts, long with a letter."

"To Draco 'the Git' Malfoy," Ron, George, and Ginny snickered, smirked or coughed. Hermione covered her smile with her hand. Draco scowled while muttering a "very funny Potter", "these three volumes of muggle history in hopes that it has that it will illuminate your obtuse way of thinking in muggles." Draco's scowled further before smoothing out his features to look like the dignified pureblood he was. To Ginevra Molly Weasley 7,000 galleons to give her a head start on her dreams. To George Weasley 5,000 galleons and a message 'to never lose his good humor'. To William Arthur and Charles Weasley 600 galleons each with word of 'I know your successful and don't really need it.' To Percy Ignatius Weasley a word of advice, 'don't let all that power get to your head and a keep your friends close and your enemies closer'."

Hermione took her to a muggle café for tea and cake after that never once looking at Ron. She informed her that after Hogwarts she moved back into the muggle word and wandered around for awhile looking for something. When she asked what all she did was smile and said 'a reason'. Eventually she literally ran into Viktor Krum, she said that she was about to miss the train ride home when she ran into him. In the end she missed the train but had a good conversation with the former Quidditch player. Apparently Viktor had habit of taking muggle train rides as pastime activity to think about nothing and everything she says. After meeting up with Viktor they set up 'a friendly gathering' schedule in which they would meet and just talk, somewhere along the way they started to date each other. To Hermione they may be dating but to Mrs. Weasley they are courting. At that time they were together for five months now they are officially courting each other for two months. She couldn't wait until she got her letter announcing their engagement. No matter what Hermione would always still be like a daughter to her.

"Mum," she jumped at the sound of Ginny's voice.

"Ginny! When did you get here?"

"About fifteen minutes ago. You were here staring at the pie for who knows how long. Are you alright?" She asked placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Yes," she waved her wand and less then minute had pie done and placed inside oven. She turned around to look at her daughter not really looking at her as she sat down, "What do you need?"

Ginny had moved out around five months after she graduated, she visits every weekend, "Mum, I have something to tell you."

The kitchen could do some cleaning, and Teddy would be awaking up from his nap in about an hour or so, "Mum." She probably start getting ready for a nappy change. "Mum." Thinking of nappies the boy is two and half years old, Teddy's going to need to stop wearing those now. "Mum! Will you please look at me!"

She jumped dropping the wash cloth, Ginny's eyes were red rimmed, her face distressed. "Mum…I'm pregnant and I don't know who the father is. I don't know what to do, and I can't take care of a baby. Why is this happening to me? I finally managed to turn my life around just barely a month and half ago…and now this. What am I going to do! I'm only eighteen, I don't have stable job to be raising a child."

She could only stare at her only daughter, her distressed form. When did she stop looking out for her, when did she look away from all her children? She felt a shiver go through her whole body. Arthur's dead, Bill is starting his own family, Charlie's in Romania barely even visiting, Percy's so deep in his own work his letter's are rare and his visits are even rarer than Charlie's, Fred's gone, George he's visits everyday he has day off but he just like Bill is barely starting his family so his visits are few in between, Ron's hiding his alcoholic behavior and is always so tired when he visits, and Ginny dug herself out of her hole only to come out with an extra package.

"Come here," Ginny ran into her arms hugging her tightly tearing soaking the worn-out dress she was wearing. "I'm so sorry; you went through all of this on your own. I'll help as much I can, I'll look after you."

They stood there in kitchen holding each other, a new mother crying her eyes out and an old weary mother letting her tears out silently. "Do you know how months along you are?"

"'bout two months," she cracked.

"Does anyone else know," She asked gently rubbing Ginny's back.

"'Mione's suspects, she's the one who bought one of those muggle pregnancy tests, she says they aren't disrupted by magic since the type she bought were created by a witch," she pulled away to sit back down. "When the test confirmed it I went to St. Mungo's they told me how far along I was. I haven't told Hermione anything yet." She finished wiping her face with the palms of her hands.

"And you have no idea who the father might be?"

"I don't know the names' mum, I only know one though."

"Well will start with that one," she turned around to check on the pie.

"I don't think even if he were the father he'd want anything to do with the baby," she muttered.

"Nonsense, I think anyone would like to know if they are going to be a father even if they don't want…never mind that, so who's the suspected father."

"…Malfoy."

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><p>"Honestly Severus just pick a professor already," Minerva snapped at him. "I don't want that Umbridge woman here again as the Professor for the Defense Against the Dart Arts!"<p>

He had finally found someone worthy enough to fill in the position as the Potions professor only to hit another road block. Last years professor quit do to not being able to handle a child dying in her first year teaching and the other year Umbridge was placed there once more as a replacement. He closed his eyes in irritation, does he ever get a break. Why couldn't Minerva just accept the position as Headmistress so he can leave this insufferable place?

"There is no one here but inexperience idiotic professors," he said this he slammed the folders on the desks, one opening in particular opening at his violent treatment.

"Might I be of assistance," a merry voice interrupted them both from continuing a never ending argument. Dumbledore's painting looked down at them with amusement.

"And pray tell could you possibly do to help Albus," Severus asked the former headmaster with so much sarcasm and venom.

"I believe that young lady maybe able to help," he pointed to the open folder on the desk with twinkling eyes. "I do believe she was quite talented if I remember correctly."

Minerva leaned in curiously to look at the folder closely; Severus only glared at the open file with barely hidden discontent. "Well…"

_Damn that blasted old man, he's knows I can't say no_, Severus thought spitefully. He wordlessly cleaned to the mess he just made, what a waste of fire whiskey. He slowly dragged his eyes to the half full glass of fire whiskey. Why was thinking about that now? Potter's good and dead buried next his beloved parents at Godric's Hallow.

_"When you know who you are then you'll know your reason Professor,"_ he heard Potter's voice whisper near his ear. He knows who he is, what kind of cryptic message was trying to tell him? And why can't he let go of those last few days. He sat down on plush armchair staring intently at the glass debating whether to drink it or not and so begin another dreadful summer.

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><p><strong>...<strong>

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**Disclaimers have been moved to the bottom since I felt like it so w/o further adieu:**I don't own Harry Potter.

**A/N:** BTW I was not bashing on Ginny, I may not like her but that doesn't mean I will act immature and make her out to be total slut just because I don't like her that's an asinine thing to do. Please don't ask me to do anything bad to the characters just because you don't like them because then I will feel insulted-not that anyone has asked but I had a feeling.

REAL IMPORTANT NOTE: Com'on guys when someone dies everything is spun out of wack, it doesn't matter( well it does) how the person dies whether it be suicide or not it still causes a lot of trauma to those around even the rival/friends...it hurts. I don't have to have experience in it to know it hurts and is a slow moving process. Many people change for the better or for the worse. Things change nothing is ever the same after someone dies. So to those of who think that these possibilities wouldn't ever happen you don't really understand the after affects of what happens when someone dies. Sometimes nothing changes and life moves one and sometimes things just move from bad to worse and then things get good, so please try to understand. O.O Wow I feel like I'm preaching to the choir because I know most of you will either look at this huge author note scoff and say "like I'm gonna read that", ignore it or just look at read it and let it come out the ear.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 6: Someday, We'll Walk in the Rays of a Beautiful Sun**

The red liquid held within the square glass reflected his face, he felt ridiculous. Somehow the feeling that the red liquid was mocking him couldn't escape his mind. He glared at nothing in particular before down the red poison in one shot. Severus shuddered as the warm liquid burned down his throat, he could already feel his muscles relax which was stupid in itself considering it took more then one shot to start feeling like this, at least for him it was.

Once more his eyes traveled back to open file, she definitely had the credentials taking into account in the group she was in during the last year of the reign of the Dark Lord. She was intelligent and quick-witted in her on ways…but from her behavior before and after she graduated, and the stories from former students she wouldn't be the best of choices. He had two more days to make up his mind before the ministry appointed that…that pink monstrosity! He didn't know if could handle anymore scathing comments, fake giggles and those annoying "hem hem's" of hers. At least she wasn't allowed to attempt to reform the school or use those blasted blood quills.

It was either her or _other_. With that in mind Severus headed off to bed and went into a not so relaxing deep slumber.

_"I don't understand, Sev," green eyes looked him, they were red rimmed from the tears that were still falling. "I thought that you would at least do this on—"_

_"I did Lily," he pleaded his hand reaching out for her. "I did. How was supposed to see it? I did not know the child well enough to understand the motives, had I know before what I now know I swear to you I would have helped him. I would have done everything I could. I really did try to help him in the end."_

_"Then why is he dead!" She shouted, her voice echoing in his head. "Why is he here with us when he should be there with you, alive and well where he should be starting a family of his own. Why is he here?"_

_"I don't know…You expect too much of me. I am just a man, even I cannot prevent death. Lily as unfair as it seems, it was his time," his body felt numb as he tried to convince her of…of what he didn't know._

_"I know," she looked down, she sniffed before looking back at him_

_It was then that he really looked her; he noticed the state of her dress. This wasn't adult Lily, it was fifth year Lily she even had her old robes on. He looked down at himself, he too was in his old fifth year robes. Severus caught something shimmering in the corner of his eye, it was the Black Lake. The same Black Lake where Potter humiliated him and where he, Severus, ruined what could have been with Lily...and the same black lake where Potter's son nearly died in. _

_Severus felt a sting in his heart, he really didn't know anything anymore, or had he known anything at all? Maybe he could have prevented it after all, the signs were all there staring him in the face since the beginning._

_"Look at yourself Sev do you even know who you are anymore? Did you even know who you are?"_

Sweat slid down his temples as Severus laid there, his heart pounded against his chest. The pounding sensation making seem in his mind like he was running out of air. He sat up pressing his back against the stone wall of his chambers; slowly he drew his legs towards him until he had his arms wrapped around them tightly and let his head hang between. His back heaved once, twice until his breathing was back to normal. He stayed in that position for a full fifteen minutes not even caring if he would be sore in uncomfortable places or not.

The urge to cry had never felt so great before. The light from the full moon seeped in through the windows, his position, the dark room, the natural lighting from the moon, and the rumpled covers was scene some artists would die for to paint at the moment.

The grip on his legs grew tighter…

"Severus," Minerva barged into his office she carried a grim look. "Potter's not getting any better and the boy refuses to go to St. Mungo's. If we don't take him there sooner I'm afraid he won't make it through the night."

A quill tip hovered above a parchment; he looked at her through the curtain of his hair. He mentally sighed before setting aside the quill and standing up, his internal clock said it was just about to be 10 pm. "I will _attempt_ to convince the boy."

He walked quickly down the stairs and many halls of Hogwarts. He needed the walk but something deep inside him told him to hurry. By the time he made to the Healing Wing he was virtually running. There Harry Potter sat staring at him as his marched up to and continued to stare as he dragged a chair to sit next the boy. The almost eighteen year old shifted and pressed his back against the headboard of the bed. Severus caught the wince and slightest tightening of his jaw.

"Hello professor," Potter greeted, he nodded in return.

"You can't convince me to go."

"I know." Severus unwavering gaze stared into Lil—his green eyes.

"I lied," Harry said his face blank before, he broke into a smile, "Well partly lied do you want to know the real reason instead of the—excuse me—the half-assed lie I gave sir?"

His eyes narrowed but didn't reply giving the boy a chance to elaborate before he berated him.

"It was somewhat of the reason but not entirely the truth, there was more to it you see." He explained.

"And what is the reason besides your Gryffindor self-righteous reasoning that you gave me the other day."

Potter didn't say anything for awhile seeming to be gathering his thoughts. His fingers played with his sheets, Severus crossed his arms and leaned back on his chair relaxing all the while making it seem like he was being sarcastic. They remained silent, "I guess I should start with the beginning, it will make sense sort of," Potter mumbled. "I always knew I was different, I could see it in their eyes—my Aunt and Uncle. They weren't the nicest of people but I understood I wasn't theirs to begin with it…

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><p>I always knew that they didn't care about me as much as they did my cousin Dudley. They used tell me that the reason my room was the cupboard under the stairs was because they didn't have any extra space. I was five, so to me it made sense. How was I supposed to know that it was wrong and I could've easily shared the room with my cousin? I didn't know that children shouldn't have that many chores. I didn't know better and the adults are always right because their grown ups.<p>

_"Your room was a cupboard?" Severus asked in disbelief his eyes narrowing trying to catch any hint of a lie._

_"Yes, but that's beside the point. Anyways back to my story." Severus arched a brow at the puff on Potter's cheeks. Isn't he a little too old to be pouting?_

I lived a simple life that any five year old should live. It never bothered me that I had to wear Dudley's cast offs. I was ignored most of the time but I thought that was normal, Aunt Petunia had told me once that the oldest always gets more attention then the younger. It upset me but I guessed that was just the ways things were, I complained once and received a smack against the head with Aunt Petunia's plastic batter mixing spatula or something rubbery? I can't really remember all knew was that it was better to watch in envy then to get hit on my head again.

I grew up neglected; I didn't have any friends because they were afraid of my cousin. Dudley was pretty big and meaty; he used his weight and strength to hurt those who tried to befriend me. I spent of my days sitting on the benches of the park or sitting by the monkey bars watching others play and imagining my self playing with them. I was around seven nearing eight I think when I met _her_.

_"Who is her?"_

_"You'll see."_

Her family had just moved in, she had dark hair with the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen. I remember she had hair always pulled in either low pigtails or a ponytail; she had straight bangs that always seemed to hide eyes from everybody. Vera Bryon, as I would later find out, was her name. She was six at the time, I never talked to her and she never once looked at me. She walked around with a bright smile on her face even after she tripped on the concrete floor that is until she saw the blood on her scraped knees. I watched her a lot, like I did with the others. I never gave her much thought. She was just there. Sometimes I find myself hating her; if she hadn't come maybe things would have been different.

It was about a week after she came when it happened. Vera apparently had noticed me, she was over to me to say hello when Dudley saw this. He had gotten angry; I was stealing his self declared girlfriend. In a fit of anger he pushed her to the floor and charged at me and all I could think at the time was, run. I ran and ran, Dudley's friends had seen this and they two chased me. I was scared; all was that I had to get somewhere safe. Next thing I know I find myself on top of school's kitchen chimney. It was the first of many that would come. Such strange incidents happened always after that. When Uncle Vernon came home that evening, I knew I was in deep shit.

_"Language Potter!" Severus snapped at the boy. Potter just gave an irritate look before continuing._

I was given a loud one-side shouting match with him, smacked then roughly shoved in my cupboard for a week. I was only given cold soup and stale bread once a day. The punishments seemed to get more worst with every little incident. I couldn't control it. My chores got more and more tiresome. At night when everyone was asleep I would curl in my mattress and think of time before my "freakishness" began to show up. I used to cry because I didn't understand; it came to me eventually that no one will dry my tears so why continue? I learned to make friends with the little six-legged or eight-legged creatures in my cupboard.

_"What happened to Ms. Bryon?"_

_"Huh? Vera, she moved away a few months later. I didn't see her until much later." Potter said, he had a wistful look in his eyes as he said this. Something told Severus that this girl would play a much bigger role then causing the accidental bout of magic. _

I sometimes found myself longing for the time when things were easier. I wished was still five, when all they did was ignore me and give me my chores…a time before they would strike me for my abnormalities.

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><p>Severus took note of the quick side ways glance that Potter had given to gauge his reaction to his confession. His eyes only darkened a bit as remember a few unwanted memories of his own. "They did more then just strike you." He stated.<p>

Potter hesitated before saying, "Yes."

"They beat you."

"To some extent, but not so much that incapacitated me."

"Do you hate them?" He asked curious of how the boy felt now near his deathbed.

"I don't like them but I don't hate them either. They just hated change, I was a change that they couldn't except." Severus could only arch a brow at Potter.

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><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I do not own Harry Potter.

**Review ^.^**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 7: Keep It Copasetic**

I spent the first ten years of life under the impression that I wasn't important, and I really believed it for a very long time. Could you believe that? I don't remember having much of a childhood and I accepted that. I was never in denial of what occurred in my life, I kept quiet because I knew no one would believe and also because I thought it was normal. Come to think about I was a very quiet child before I entered Hogwarts. Weird huh, strange how making friends or talking to someone completely changes their whole personality.

When I was younger—before the first of accidental magic—Aunt Petunia would spend at least a half an hour every other day with me teaching me how to properly garden and how to care for special prize winning plants. The first time she won was the first and only time she actually gave me a praise of a job well done. I learned to covet those moments alone with her. It was the only time she would spare me any attention, the only time would actually look at me. Those moments always made me feel like she cared. But I knew she was really paying attention to me. She just wanted to make sure that I did a good job the first time. She would keep a watchful eye on me when I was gardening, she didn't want to me to ruin her precious garden. I was always really careful because she would snap at me for any mistake causing me to make more mistakes and that would never turn out well.

After the "incident" she took me to garden, it about a month later, she never once looked my way. I remember her back being stiff and she had been carrying a lock in her hand. She carried the lock so loosely in her hand, just dangling there from her index finger. She told me that she was going to show me something newin the gardening shed that she bought; a new gardening tool of some sort.

_Severus watched Potter who looked at the palm of his hands blankly, he flipped one hand over and with the other he traced the carving. _I must not tell lies._ After thirty seconds of silence Severus asked the question that running a marathon in his mind, he could feel something bubbling inside him as he asked, "Did she lock you in there?"_

_Potter looked at him and cracked a smile, "There nothing to be mad about it was a long time ago."_

I spent three days in there in the hottest time of summer. At night it was so dark couldn't my hand if it was in front of my face and during the day the cracks of the shed provided little light. It was dusty in there, cold in the mornings and night, the air was musty, the tools at night created creatures only and eight year old could make up in the dark. I cried silently in my solitary confinement, I knew better to make noises by then; I'd hug myself for comfort.

My hunger for those three days grew unbearable; it hurt to the point making me nauseous. The constant grumbles of my hollow stomach kept me awake. Did you know that not eating makes a person very exhausted? The pain and nausea kept me from drifting into sweet oblivion.

On the third day for some reason the heat was much more intense then any other day of that summer.

On the third day I came to the conclusion that I preferred Uncle Vernon's punishments to Aunt Petunia's.

On the third day I realized that one meal a day is better then none at all.

On the third day my family showed me how much they really cared about me.

On the third day I noticed how alone I was.

Aunt Petunia came to me on the third and dragged to kitchen where a glass of water and small bowl of soup awaited me. She watched me eat slowly even though all I wanted to do was stuff myself like Ron did during the opening feast. I will never forget what she told me that day in that impeccably clean kitchen.

_Knuckles turned white from the grip Potter had on the sheets. Severus watched the tears slide down his cheeks. What had that woman said to him to make cry today almost a decade later; especially Potter who had although mourned for Sirius Black's death never once cried over him._

_"It hurt, it hurt so much. She ruined even the happiest times I had with her venomous words. Those words changed so much about me. How is that words are so much more painful then fists? I think I'd preferred being beaten over and over again then to ever hear those words. If I had been older maybe those words wouldn't have hurt so much, they would have seemed more insignificant then hurtful, right?" Angry, frustrated, and confused green eyes stared into his dark eyes. What could he say to the dying boy? No age wouldn't have made much of difference, it would just make more bearable?_

_"You know I once heard Mrs. Weasley say that sometimes people say things that they don't actually mean. What kind of shit is that! I admit that I allowed myself to believe in those words but then I remember their eyes and I knew every insult, every jibe, and every single thing they ever said to me they really meant ever word of it. I hated my Aunt, I hated her so much but she was my only mother figure I knew before Mrs. Weasley so I loved her and still do. After all she has done to me I still like her and to some extent love her. What the bloody hell is wrong with me?"_

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><p>"I'm getting married, she loves me and she's shows it in the most peculiar ways. I found out just today that she was pregnant. I admit that I'm afraid of being a father, but don't get any funny ideas. It doesn't make me a coward or anything! Although it would be just like you snicker behind my back for admitting my fears. It was unexpected so father wants to rush the wedding before anyone realizes that the future heir concepted out of wedlock. How scandalous would that be? She's not mad about having a rushed wedding; she just smiled that weird smile of hers. Her father is ecstatic that her only daughter is marrying, although he did threaten me if I ever mistreated her daughter he'd kill me," he smirked as he gazed at the clear morning sky.<p>

"Granger in a few weeks will become the future Mrs. Krum. Weasley isn't too happy about it, I've been keeping tabs on Weasley by the way and I guess you would be happy to know that he has finally moved on from his infatuation with Granger, can't say I know much about the girl though. I have to go, can't keep her waiting. She may not say anything but I know it would bother her," Draco took a step back from the grave site before he smirked and stared at the tombstone of one Harry Potter. "I haven't told who I am marrying yet have I. It's Luna Lovegood."

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.<strong>

**Review.**

**A/N:** I had a lot trouble with chapter since it's really hard for me to do first person POV. I feel like its really complicated because it's like you're putting yourself the perspective of the character. How do you that without accidently adding yourself into it. What if I put in a way that only I would react? I don't want to do a self insert or anything. I really hope Harry was in character when I did this please tell if he wasn't IC so I can fix it when I do first person POV. I feel like third person keeps me in a safe distance from accidently doing a self insert. Anyway has anyone noticed anything peculiar about the chapter titles?


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